The joys of Christmas

[ricks rants]

The joys of Christmas in Orpington High Street.

The shops were bursting at the seems with our local Neanderthals fighting to get to the check out. Their large shovel like paws grasping firmly onto their shopping trolleys piled high with loaves of sliced white styro foam that passes for bread around these parts. Obviously no body has told them that Christ, allegedly, fed 5,000 people on five loaves and two fishes, yet here they are with enough bread to feed 5,000 without the proverbial miracle.

From the grocery stores they meander over to the pound shops and the closing down sale at the 'Christmas' shop. A shop that is selling all that is trashy about Christmas, from cheap nativity scenes to fake mistletoe. It always amuses me how these shops selling goods for a Christian festival are always run by Indians, who are normally Hindu or Muslim. But as we all know Mamon is not worried by who ever worships him.

Taking into account the recent reduction in VAT should the pound shops now be renamed the 0.9787p shops. Not quite the same ring to it, but more accurate.

Even though the weather is getting colder the locals are still showing off massive amounts of white blubbery flesh, I am not sure if this is because no one makes clothing that size or that the amount of blubber keeps them warm and hence they do not require extra layers of clothing. But I suppose they are lucky that Orpington is about 65 miles from the coast and well clear of Captain Ahab or any Japanese whaling ships.

Arms laden with merry junk and baskets full of Icelands finest mass produced, cholesterol laden salty food they are happy, or drunk, possibly both. With their brood of kids, all from different unknown fathers, they make their way to the nearest bus stop, trying to tell the kids to keep up but failing dismally as their fag keeps slipping from their lips.

Oh what joy it is to see these relics from a bygone age still with us. Maybe one day when their benefit cheques cease they may decide to join the rest of mankind in the 21st Century, but until then they will live quite oblivious of the real world on their council reservation where they can sit in front of the magic box watching all the drivel that spews forth.

Come Christmas day and they will rise from their slumber, light a fag and spend 10 minutes coughing before saying "I needed that". Then it will be a mad rush to open the presents. Nintendo Wii's will be prominent here, as will game boys, MP4 players and other paraphernalia that will be broke by lunchtime.

Out will come the crisps, nuts, beer and alcopops, all to be consumed in vast quantities. With a wassail here and a cheers there to be followed by a belch and a fart they shall have a great time.

Come the Christmas meal and it shall be praws to start with, covered in that awful red sauce that they will think is posh, then the Turkey, once again Icelands finest, killed sometime early November 2005 and held in cold storage since. With this there will be Sprouts (why no one likes them) Yorkshire pudding (last used as a discus in the 2008 Olympics) peas (that make marbles seem soft) and 4 different types of spud. All washed down with a bottle of Blue Nun.

To follow it will Christmas pudding, the kids will hate it, the parents will tell them it is traditional, topped with brandy butter.

To follow up this repast there will be the ever present Gaviscon or Rennies.

Then everyone will sit down in front of the box for the Queens Speech, at least this one is not written by the saviour of the world our very own Super Gordo Bruin, followed by Eastenders.

What joy.

Before you ask, this is not my Christmas.

But merry Christmas to all of you and however you paly the game enjoy yourself.

[Boing Boing]

Sad contrast with Upton. But Merry Christmas to you.

[ricks rants]

I don't live in Orpington, but my office is there.

[DebinSC]

You were feeling a big cranky when you wrote this, weren't you. ;-> The commercialization of the holiday is the same world-wide, I imagine.

Nintendo Wii seems to be the thing here this year, too. We have "Dollar Store" here, which I imagine is similar to the Pound Shops you mention. I went into one last week looking for some wrapping paper, since I didn't want to venture into the crazy part of town where they main shopping areas are. I won't be stopping into the Dollar Store again - at last near Christmas. OMG - the chaos!! Kids were running wild. Stuff all over the floor in the aisles. The poor clerks seemed shell-shocked.

[ricks rants]

Debs, no not at all cranky just looking out the office window any time of day onto Orpington High Street and you really do see the some of the scum of the earth.
Mainly unmarried mothers on benefit with an average age of 14, grossly overweight, every second word is F*** or C***. The waste bin down the road stinks of vomit at all times. They come into our car park and urinate up the wall or against our cars. They have tried to break in a number of times.
Yet 20 years ago Orpington was one of the better towns in the UK, it just shows what has happened to our society. It is a complete lack of respect and consideration.

We laugh about it else we would cry.

Have a good Christmas and I hope all goes well for you.

[Cathrynn]

wow - this is taking me back some thirty years.....I knew Orpington well - I lived in a small village called Otford, nr Sevenoaks in Kent? I used to commute to London every day for years and always passed through Orpington. Sorry it seems to have gone downhill though...:o(

[ricks rants]

Cathryn I moved to Petts Wood in 1980 and Orpington was fine then. But since the 90's it has been going down.
Otford is still pleasant but even there they have trouble after dark with drunks.